Direct Cremation

Direct cremation, or unattended cremation, is the option to cremate a body without a service at the crematorium. A bad light has been shone on this funeral choice recently, with concerns being raised that direct cremation removes people’s opportunity to come together and grieve. Indeed, it is costing the funeral industry a chunk of their profit margin.

At Grave Expectations, we see direct cremation differently. To us, booking an unattended cremation is an opportunity to be creative. Removing the need to attend a predetermined service cannot only save families money, it also provides a blank sheet on which to design a farewell that is entirely personal.

Photo by DEAD GOOD LEGACIES on Unsplash

Direct cremation as a bespoke ending

As we feel passionately about our mission to give people a funeral that represents the life lived, we wanted to give some examples of direct cremations, to show how this funeral choice can offer greater rather than fewer opportunities for personalisation and communal grieving.

We recently held a funeral at a local café which doubles as a community hub. Family and friends gathered in a familiar, comforting environment to share stories and memories over a warming cup of coffee and a piece of cake. People were given the option to be transported to the forest burial site, where the ashes were interned and a short service was conducted. There was no pressure or expectation to attend the service, which allowed members of the funeral party who were less mobile or who didn’t want to take part in the more formal aspect of the funeral to stay put and offer each other support. Everyone then reconvened at the café to continue remembering their loved one together.

We provide a lovely space for a gathering or a service at our premises, before or after the cremation. We offer opportunities to wash and dress your person, to have the casket as part of the funeral, or to carry out a direct cremation prior to the ceremony or wake to have the ashes present. We encourage any personalisation you would like to include - the more unique the better - and there is no requirement to stick to a standardised format. You could choose to decorate our building to suit your loved one, let people contribute to a playlist of music that reminds them of them, and get together at a time that suits everyone instead of one assigned by the crematorium.

We are happy to carry out a remembrance in an agreed location, gathering in a quiet place to hold a gentle ceremony and spread ashes. This, and any other option, can take place weeks or even months after the cremation, when you feel ready to celebrate your person. Sometimes, coming together can feel more significant and memorable once the initial grief has started to dissipate, and you can remember your loved one with joy and gratitude to have known them.

You can, of course, have a direct cremation and organise your own party, with or without our help, and invite everybody to your house or a local pub. Maybe you want to create your own ritual, communally or individually, which truthfully represents your version of the person. And if there are parts of the person’s life which need to be celebrated individually, should there be divisions in families or identities, a direct cremation can allow different communities to grieve separately.

Or, maybe you just want a direct cremation without a ceremony at all, and would prefer to remember your loved one on your own. There is never any judgement here – we understand that grief is a process unique to everyone, and it can take time to reflect on our feelings before we feel ready to face the world. There is no time limit on our services, and grief is not linear, so if you feel that a memorial service or some form of remembrance is better situated long after the cremation, just get in touch at any point and we can arrange this.

Any of the options outlined cost significantly less than an attended cremation, without losing the chance to share the burden of grief with family and friends. We are here to talk to you about any of them, and love to hear the brilliant ideas people bring. As always, this is a conversation we are happy to have with people planning their own funerals, however far ahead, and we can store your requests for when the time comes. We think it’s great when people tell us exactly how they want to be celebrated, and it can be really helpful for your family at a time of loss.

Celebrating a life, designed by you

We all need closure after a loss, and it is key to healthy grieving that we find our own ways of experiencing and expressing our feelings after a death. We would never want direct cremation to take away the opportunity to support one another. But we firmly believe, at Grave Expectations, that what matters most is for people to have the funeral that suits them best. If direct cremation gives you the freedom to achieve this, or allows funds to be spent elsewhere to better serve your family, we fully support that decision and would embrace the chance to help you envision a celebration for the life you want to honour.