A Unique Undertaking
Many of us share the same image - a tall, sombre man in a black top hat and coat tails; the slow drone of the funeral march or classical music in a minor key; a silent procession of mourners, dressed in black, heads down. Ask yourself – what is the feeling that this image stirs? It may well be something like dread. An occasion to be ‘got through’. A painful and awkward necessity.
But what if it didn’t have to be like this? What if funerals could be a true celebration of life and an opportunity for collective healing?
The rise of secularism and eco-consciousness has meant that many people now want something different from their goodbye. With a rising number of people in the UK failing to identify themselves as religious, the old traditions can seem incongruent with the life lived. The environmental impact of cremation and embalming worries some. As with everything in life, people want their death to cohere with their personal values.
Natural burials, with graves marked by a sapling instead of a headstone, can represent an acceptance of our corporeal end and a circular relationship with the Earth. Multi-stage funerals can take place to celebrate the very different aspects of a person, rather than just their ‘Sunday Best’, to show the rich diversity of their life and give individual communities a chance to express their grief separately. Memorial events can be held several weeks or months after cremation, when grief has started to subside and people feel ready to share and celebrate their person. There is so much choice in location, dress code, words and music, and timeline. Some funerals are even now held while the person is alive and wants to say their own goodbyes.
However, these personalised farewells often require conversations to happen before the end, and this is where, societally, we struggle. Acknowledging death is hard. It reminds us not only of the loss we will suffer, but also of our own mortality. We barely have the language to discuss death, let alone talk about it functionally. Our tight-lipped refusal to acknowledge the end leaves many families to plan a funeral whilst in mourning.
At Grave Expectations, we are part of a movement to change this.
Along with organisations such as The Good Funeral Guide and Dead Good, we offer opportunities to talk about death honestly, and encourage an open dialogue around funeral planning. Understanding your needs isn’t something that can be signed off in a hour – it takes time, reflection and integrity. You only get one funeral, and we want it to speak volumes.
Some people will still want a traditional funeral, and we are fully supportive of this, too. Traditions and rituals can give comfort, and for some people, they represent respect. But let those choices be made actively and genuinely, rather than through avoidance and fear of upsetting conversations. Let them be made because they represent the person’s life and values, so that even the most formal event feels relevant.
Our new premises in Matlock, Derbyshire, are nearly ready, and it won’t be long before we can welcome you into our specially designed building, make you a drink and hear your story in our peaceful, nurturing environment. We are always available with a listening ear at venues in Chesterfield and the surrounding area and are here to help you create the best possible event for you or your person. Instead of an ordeal, let your funeral be something that people look back on with a sense of love, pride and gratitude to have known you.